I’ve not been writing much poetry lately. Honestly, it seems most of my inspiration has dried out for a while now. I’ve decided that since I’ve not been writing much poetry I will write about other things here- for a while. If a good poem comes to me- I’ll post it, but otherwise, I still feel like I have things I want to share.
Through the most of March and into the beginning of April- my anxiety got the better of me (triggered by graduate school), leading to some mild depression. For the first time ever– I finally went to seek help. Normally, in the past my daily routines have pulled it out of it- but this time, without any real routines, I couldn’t see a way out without help. Some weeks into it now, I’m feeling more centered and capable of handling the challenges that have come my way.
In my appointment today, instead of discussing school stress (adviser stress), we touched on the other part of my life that brings me down a bit. Loneliness. I’ve lived alone for essentially 6 years. But, for the last 3-4 years I’ve been, for the most part, single as well. (There has been dating, but nothing serious) Crossing the threshold into my 30s – (now 31), living alone and being single has started to wear on me. I don’t have the energy or excitement that I used to have for dating. I’ve gained some weight with the stress and sedentary nature of graduate school- so I also don’t feel particularly attractive. I just feel as though I’m stuck in a rut and that the next 5 or 6 years will fly by and nothing will have changed.
I try to do things to bring on change. I’m not ready to give-up. I continue to date-on and off. I even tried speed dating. I’ve joined hiking groups and other meet-up groups… but nothing seems to click or feel natural. The times for a lot of the meet-up groups are awkward for my schedule or a bit far away. Then I think- well these just sound like excuses. I miss the energy and spark I had before. I want to find that again… I’m just not sure how.
presenceinpoetry 